Issues that I frequently complained about.
Issues with a certain son, who we shall refer to as Captain Fling and Destroy, who was obsessed with opening my kitchen drawers and especially raiding my dishwasher at any given opportunity.
I will admit I may have repeatedly mentioned to my husband that too much of my cardiovascular workout came from sprinting to the kitchen in response to the sound of shattering glass.
But the solution was 100% Justin's idea.
Therefore, Biggie's newest neurosis is 100% Justin's fault.
During a recent dishwasher raid, Justin attacked Biggie's bottom with these.
Justin didn't PINCH Biggie's bottom, mind you.
Just clicked them wildly behind Biggs and screamed at him to run for his life because the pinch monster was going to eat his bottom off.
And Biggs believed him.
Now, whenever Biggs comes into the kitchen, he nearly gives himself whiplash...spinning around at the slightest noise and shaking like a leaf.
One mention of the Tong Monster and the kid streaks out of the room and down the hall.
The mere sight of them brings him to tears.
And, God forbid, you should click them together.
He dissolves into a weeping, shrieking, blubbering mess.
As testament to the fine parents we are, the tongs stand guard to the kitchen entryway.
Abandon hope, all ye who enter here.
So, for those keeping track...
in choosing a disciplinary tactic for our son who is known for having significant food issues and a slew of irrational fears...
my husband chose to instill a paralyzing fear of eating utensils to keep Biggs out of the room where the food is located.
I have to say, though, emptying a dishwasher without fighting off 33 pounds of maniacal toddler has been pretty sweet.
And Biggs won't be the first Heigele man to choke up at the news that I'm serving salad for supper.
But, in Biggie's future therapy sessions...should this neurotic behavior stand out from the countless others that I will have to assume direct responsibility for...
This one was 100% Dad-produced.