Friday, June 10, 2016

Squib University: If These Walls Could Speak

Mine would scream, "For the love of GOD, Woman!  Stop buying crayons!!!"

Not a single squib has shown any interest for appropriate use of artistic media.  It doesn't matter if it's chalk...paint...glue...crayons.  Rest assured, every scrap of paper in my house will remain in like-new condition.

Because that crap is headed straight for the walls.

Luckily, my personal version of ADHD leaves me with something I affectionately refer to as, "squalor blindness".  Unless the filth of my home rises up to grab me around the ankles or physically causes me to stick to the floor, I remain largely oblivious to it.

Squalor blindness has its perks.

Unfortunately, the main drawback to squalor blindness is that it IMMEDIATELY disappears as soon as you hear your mother's voice announcing, "I'm about 30 minutes from your house."

Squalor blindness can be a cruel mistress.

Since Nana lives over 300 miles away, I'm usually left in my state of ignorant filthy bliss.  But Chez Squib is preparing to go on the market, so it's time to restore the house to a condition more widely accepted by the majority of polite society.

Back to the walls.

While I am content to leave my walls squib-decorated, I have had multiple occasions upon which I have needed to remove their artistry.  I've done the Pinterest research.  I've tried nearly every suggested method.  Some worked.  Some were worthless.

It's worth noting that, as horrible as I am at cleaning, I LOATHE painting.  Just hate it.  So, I needed a crayon-removal method that didn't require just erasing the scribbles with a rage-powered roller brush.

Today, I am sharing the results of the education provided me by the monsters with whom I live.

Grab a few items, and I'll walk you through a consistently successful method of removing crayon from your walls.

DISCLAIMER:  I am not the least bit put off by the idea of using cleaning chemicals in this house.  If you are someone who prefers a more natural, organic approach to cleaning your home, I totally get it.  I respect you and love you.  And you're going to need to go buy some natural organic paint.

Here's how to get crayon off your walls.

You'll need:
a bowl of warm water
a magic eraser or two (any variety is fine...generic is super)
basic cleaning ammonia  (plain or lemon-scented...doesn't matter)
a hair dryer

Put a few glugs of ammonia into your bowl and then take your supplies to the scene of the crime.

Dammit, squibs.

That copyright should actually read with LC's name.  I'm pretty sure it's her handiwork.

Plug your hair dryer in and bring it and the bowl of ammonia water to the section of wall you're working on.

Note:  You're using a hair dryer.  Beside a big bowl of water.  So...you know...now's probably the time to clean sober if you typically don't.  And lock the squibs somewhere far away with their father.

With your hair dryer on it's highest, hottest setting, hold the dryer super close to the wall but not quite touching.  Don't wave it back and forth.  Just blast one spot and count to 5 Mississippi.

Lower the hair dryer and IMMEDIATELY rub the spot that you heated with a magic eraser you've dipped into your ammonia water.

DO NOT PUSH ON THAT MAGIC ERASER.  It shouldn't bend at all.  You're just lightly moving it up and down against the wall.  You wanna get rid of the crayon.  NOT the paint.  Only work in the spot that is the same width in diameter as the end of your hair dryer.  You're only touching wall that has been heated by the hair dryer.

Boom.

No more crayon.

To be fair, there are crayon shades that are more easily removed than others.  Blue and purple are the trickiest.

You'll go about working with them the same way, but you'll need to repeat the steps.

One swipe of the magic eraser will usually remove green, or red, or orange, or brown...

But the blue, purple and black usually leave a stain behind.

Don't worry.  It's no big deal.
Hit the stain again with the hair dryer until you notice it brighten in color a bit.

Then, use your magic eraser again, but folded...and with a bit of pressure behind it.
That'll get it off.  Guaranteed.

Here's the wall after...

and the water after...
Still nice and clear...not murky with beige paint from the walls.

So, there you go.  Mission accomplished.

But don't bask in the glory for too long.

Chances are the squibs were upstairs painting the couch in yogurt while the hair dryer prevented you from hearing the fridge open...followed by shrieks of destructive glee.

Good job on those walls, though.  I'm sure they look incredible.

Not that I would know without my mother standing behind me.

5 comments:

  1. I'm the opposite, I'd rather paint over it than clean it.

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  2. LOL! I won't call when I am 30 minutes out. I know how much you like surprises! Good job.

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  3. So happy you are blogging again! Great tip too.

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  4. Amazing tip! I would have given anything to have known this about 20 years ago. (I would have given anything if magic erasers were a thing 20 years ago......)

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  5. I have a 6 year old granddaughter that loves to draw on a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g. Thanks for this tip!

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